This past week has been a struggle…I have accomplished most of my readings and have struggled with completing my other assignments for the Master keys course.
This weekend I had an experience that although I am not necessary proud of it was a great learning experience for me and I walked away feeling better of myself. I was out with friends and there were so many distractions going on during our conversation. The news was running on the tv, there were two children singing along to a song on an ipad, there was a baby crying, and three adults talking while playing a game….it put my brain in to over drive and I checked out. Not because I didn’t want to be apart of the night, but because it was so much stimulation that I had a hard time focusing on just one thing. It was almost an out of body experience I could hear all of these different noises and my eyes were bouncing from one noise to the next, while glazed over.
When everything finally settled down I was able to regain focus and had an instant headache. It changed my mood instantly from not being in control of my own responses and reactions. It then turned into a conversation with 3 of us and I was in the middle of speaking when I was abruptly interrupted to start a completely unrelated topic. My inner child screamed and kicked because I am DONE playing second fiddle. I stomped my foot down and forcefully interrupted their conversation to state that: I guess they don’t want to hear anything I have to say and that it is unimportant to them. As we sat there in silence for a few minutes I was not proud of what I did but my inner child was screaming “YES…You did it! You stood up for yourself!” After that I was able to completely let it go…No hate…No grudges…just love for my friends!
Most of my life I have felt like I was put on the back burner…always playing second fiddle the those in my life that were most important to me. These readings as apart of the mkmma class have helped me find my voice and stand up for myself in a way that I have never done before and I feel better emotionally with being able to let it slide right off of my bubble…. This is the year of me…I am changing in big ways!